Sometimes I just want to feel, and other times I just want people to recognize that I want to feel.
Because I feel annoyed with myself and situations that I can’t control, nor need to control.
Because I really just need a hug sometimes and not a stare.
Because people think they’re funny, but really they’re just a giant cliche of a national epidemic of stupidity.
Because no one has a stance on anything anymore. Everyone is a false rebel, protesting very real crimes.
Because I have more work than I can fit into my backpack.
Because I really want a good cry over a dumb movie instead of crying over a dumb emotion.
Because I try and be the friend I would want.
Because I make lists in my head, but forget them, because I start to make new lists.
because people who don’t Capitalize words at the beginning of sentences are assholes.
Because I like to say the word asshole and don’t understand why it’s censored on reality television Just a bunch of fuckin’ ass****s.
Because I don’t have a plan realistic enough to achieve or a back up worth living for.
Because I’ve been happy for the past few weeks and I need to write or vent or something before I burden one of my friends with my woes.
Because I wish I could always unload on my friends without feeling guilty.
Because I talk about myself and am absurdly self indulgent.
Because I see so many stupid faces everyday that I would kiss if I were given the chance.
Because if I kissed any of those stupid faces, I’d get smacked.
Because I was going to start to work out. I thought it would be worth my time, give me something to do.
Because my day is filled thinking about other people’s lives and how they intertwine with mine.
Because I obsess over the present more than I obsess over coffee.
Because most people won’t make it this far into reading. If you did, valent effort and a medal awarded to you!
Because my heart is heavy with the burdens of today and the hopes of tomorrow.
Because everything I say feels loaded.
Because nothing is original.
Because I have awful morning breath.
Because I wish I got more texts that read, “I love you”.
Because I wish that wishing to get more texts with meaningful words didn’t sound needy, whinny, or desperate.
Because I drank to much last week.
I drink to much.
I hold onto things to much.
Because only new friends think I’m funny. Everyone else thinks I’m weird.
Because I want to get away and not tell people where I’m going.
Because I’m a jealous person.
Because I can’t get everything I want, because everything I want is to much to hold, not enough to talk about and to lackluster to consider it anything out of the ordinary.
Because I have a script due soon.
Because I don’t have clean socks.
Because I want power not recognition.
Because I can.
18 September 2012